Publishing overlord Ben Smith summons the PR department. "There's been a delivery," he says "it's got your name on it," he says.
There's something about his smile... the fear in the department is tangible.
The walk down to reception seems to take forever. Then there it is.
Oh god, it's huge.
"I said 5'6!" PR cries.
"Maybe it's just a trick of the light," editorial offers up.
As the un-boxing commences PR nervously retreats into a corner, rocking gently.
"No, wait! It's not that bad. In fact it looks great!" editorial coaxes.
Shuffling gently forward the beautiful object contained within the box is slowly revealed, and PR's mood rapidly shifts from "Shitshitshit they're totally going to fire me for this" to "Take my photo with the monkey. Take my photo with the monkey."
Rapidly followed by "Hey wait, no you didn't let me sort out my lipstick."
If you'd like your photo with Ack Ack Macaque catch him on tour with his pet author Gareth L Powell from January next year. We'll even let you brush your hair first.
More dates TBC
Macaque Attack by Gareth L Powell publishes January 2015.