The Impending Robot Apocalypse

Thanks to docudramas such as The Terminator and The Matrix, scientists are finally getting around to discussing how to keep a grip on our automated friends and prevent the almost certain rise of the machines.

It’s scary enough that the South Koreans are already giving robots guns but the Japanese are pioneering the use of robots to look after the more mature members of society. Still, if robots are spending their time in the company of old people, I think we can take the following things for granted:

• The Robot Apocalypse will begin in Miami or Eastbourne.

• Short circuiting robots isn’t the best way to defeat them; distracting them with Werther’s Originals is.

• Once the war’s over they’ll revel in telling us that they fought a war for us.

On the bright side, if the robots that look after old people perform every function a human carer can, at least we can program them to make Sheryl Crow happy.

Christian